Reframe Midlife With Strength And Self-Trust with Heike Yates

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Carol Clegg 0:02

Well, my guest today is Heika Yates, a midlife fitness expert, author, an advocate for women ready to thrive in their next chapter of life. After navigating her own challenges as a single mom, fitness became her lifeline. And over the past 35 years, that lifeline has grown into a mission to help women rebuild strength, energy, and confidence in a way that actually fits real life. Her approach is simple but powerful. No extremes, no starting over, just small, sustainable steps that help you move forward feeling stronger and more like yourself again.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Errol, it's so exciting to be here. Finally, we've connected such a long time ago, and here we are. I'm so excited.

Carol Clegg 0:51

That is lovely to have you. And we had a wonderful conversation before we even jumped into record. So I have to keep coming back to this, is why I do podcasting. I love the people that I meet.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

And the things you learn when you meet those people.

Carol Clegg 1:06

It's lovely to have you here. And I'm really looking forward to this because I have a little part in there, which I know that you're going to be able to help me with on fitness and healing. So let's get on to the show. But wanting to let people know it's time to slow down the conversation just enough to notice what inspires us and how these insights can help shape what we create in our lives. So I am Carol Clegg, your host, a gentle accountability and mental fitness coach. And I invite my guests from around the world with a wide range of backgrounds to share insights on how they look, think, and navigate the wonderful challenges of just being a human in our world. So, Haika, I am dying to just jump into all of this, but before we start, I'm going to ask you something just a little more personal. And it's not going to be about where you're moving to because we just shared our mutual love for Portugal. But it's something just kind of fun.

The Gentle German Coach Myth

Carol Clegg 2:10

When people first meet you, what is one thing that they are often surprised to learn about you?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

They think I'm the hardcore German coach. It's like people refer to me sometimes as the German coach. They don't say he's the Pilates teacher, she's a fitness expert. It's like she's my German coach or my German teacher. And then most people, when they talk about me, they're like, oh, she's probably really hard. She's she's really pushing you, and the workouts must be really hard. And then they're like, no, she is really gentle and thoughtful and caring, and she really listens. And uh and yes, do I get a good workout? Absolutely, but she's primarily listening to what I need and not what a rule or a regime would say that this is what we have to do, which sometimes goes often with Pilates, that you have this routine and you're pushed through the routine, and this is how it is. And uh they're just surprised to like, hey, you're really nice.

Carol Clegg 3:12

And I think that's what we want in midlife, right? Just to have somebody who can gently walk us up, walk alongside us and encourage support us, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Because that's what we need the most, is a support as we get along. Because there's so many people that want to tear us down or or not have support us, and somebody that's supporting not only your healthy lifestyle, but also your ideas in in where you're gonna go next

Midlife As An Upward Turn

SPEAKER_01 3:40

in your life.

Carol Clegg 3:41

Right. Who you are, listening to you. So let's just jump into this talk about reframing midlife. And I know you talk about it as a turning point, as an upward turning point rather than a decline. And yeah, if we could look at it this way, that midlife is a turning point, and I believe in it, that it certainly is, but why does mindset matter so much in accepting it as an upward as opposed to a decline?

SPEAKER_01 4:09

I think we've all been so conditioned by our forefathers, forephers, by everybody in our society that we have to follow certain rules that we first are the maiden and we're pressed in the role of the maiden, and then we're pressed into the role of the mother. And as we're getting older, we're now becoming the crown. And when I talked to somebody after I wrote my book, she said, uh, your book is all wrong. And I said, Why is this wrong? And she says, Well, you're a crown. You're 65, you're not um in midlife anymore. And I said, I'll beg your pardon. Midlife to me starts at 40 when our lives really start to change after we have children or we're we're making a career move to going through menopause, to then deciding whether or not we're going to retire and how we're going to retire and what paths we have. And when you look around, so many women that are beyond older than I am, have started podcasts, have gotten a degree, have started traveling the world, opening new businesses at the age of 80 or even 90.

Carol Clegg 5:20

And it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

It is incredible. So in that era, we have so many changes, we have so many things, and I think that we all feel tied to those roles that we're told that we should fill in in fit in those shoes. And I believe that's that's not the case anymore.

Carol Clegg 5:42

Right. I know because this will bring me, you know, so many women find themselves going back to like the the old it's kind of the old sentences that run around what used to work, and you know, to just let go of who you were and now move into let's work with this new, the new me, this new opportunity, this this beautiful age that you're embracing with wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Can I say something to this? I don't prescribe to that letting go of that old me and become the new me.

Carol Clegg 6:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Here is why. When I hear this, and that's just my personal opinion.

Carol Clegg 6:22

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

When you let go of who you were, does that mean that whatever you has been before that point is not good and valid, that you have not learned from in that time frame? Does it mean it's not valuable for you to move forward? I say it is all the No, I I I it absolutely is.

Carol Clegg 6:41

I guess it's my choice of words because I I think of it like a big circle. Yeah. If you take these segments of the experiences that you've had in your life, they all support where you are now.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Yes, yes.

Carol Clegg 6:54

You know, you don't know what experience you had there, why you might need it now in your 60s.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Right. Absolutely. You know, just think of sometimes we hear this. I hear this a lot when I when I talk on podcasts, uh, exactly that, let letting go of what what who you were, and now you're becoming the new, the new me, which is a a big slogan in the fitness world, too. The new you.

Carol Clegg 7:17

Because you mean yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Does it mean that everything you've done before is not any good? Right. Again, no, it was when it fits. And now it's time to to tweak it and turn it into something that fits now.

Carol Clegg 7:33

Yeah, no. I guess I think of it as always being the solid you as the foundation, but you are gonna reinvent a season, a new season, a new for whatever reason it might be. You know, whether you've become an emptiness syndrome, whether it's like me in my journey now in widowhood, you know, whether it's a loss, a new job, there's or there's something we have our strengths, which we need to acknowledge and recognize, but then we do move into this new season. And what is that? I guess it's it's like a isn't it like a butterfly? You evolve and

Why We Keep Every Life Layer

Carol Clegg 8:10

then you become the butterfly, but you've had to go through some struggles to get there.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Yeah, you know, I compared this in my world to an onion. It's like as you're peeling back your layers and really come to this new place in your life, which in my life happens every 10 years, I have to say. Every 10 years, I don't have a dramatic shift, but it's clearly a shift in direction of where I see myself in the future. And I I always say, you know, I'll sit back and I start peeling back an onion. And when you peel back the onion, there's some loss, there's some tears, there is some sadness, but there's also the joy of letting go of all of this and exploring what it is that you see when you peel back the onion. What happens? What is what is really underneath there?

Carol Clegg 9:00

Right. That can come and serve you. Well, I know you I I can see your book, pursue your spark. And I would love to know, you know, share with me. Obviously, you've taken some of your work that you've done, and that's share with me about the book. Tell me about the book.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

The book is my first book that I've written, and I have initially thought I would never write a book.

The Gap That Becomes A Trap

SPEAKER_01 9:25

And then I had for two years the idea of I want to write a book. I had no idea what it would be about, and I knew it was not going to be about Pilotus or fitness or nutrition. I said, you know, there's so much information out there. Why do I need to write something about this? People, most people know, and if not, it's it's already out there. But what is it that my clients, aside from working with me in the fitness and nutrition area, what do they most come for? And that's the need to be heard, to be understood, and to be helped forward in where they feel stuck. And I call this the gap. And the gap happened. Here's how the book actually came to be what it is now. My one of my clients, her husband is not well, and she's become the caregiver of her husband. And she's got constantly gets tied down. She can't go to a church choir because he's like, How long are you gonna be gone? When are you gonna be back? What if something happens? Or, you know, she's just not going because she's worried he's not well, or God knows if he gets up again and then he falls again. And she was completely exhausted, but she made it time to come to me in person once a week for Pilates. And yes, we worked out, but it was always the oh my God, it's so hard. And and I want to go to a retirement home. And so her daughter heard the same message and said, Mom, why don't you come and visit me? We'll find another family member to take care of dad, and then you just get a long weekend off. And so that's what she did. So she went up to see her daughter for a long weekend, and she comes back to the studio and she walks in the door and she's beaming. And I said, Whoa, what kind of weekend did you have? And she said, It was the best. We had mother-daughter talks, I could sleep in, we went out for lunch, we did some shopping. I actually could sit down and just read a book without having to be on the listen and on the lookout. And she says, Heike, I feel like myself again. And up to this point, to me, when somebody said, I want to feel like myself again, to me, it was I want to be like fit as in my 20s. I want to be as strong as in my 30s, I want to have the life when I was younger. And there and then I understood that this was not the message. The message was I want to feel like my, I feel like myself again now, and who I am, as powerful, as as curious and confident, not if compared to any age, but right here, right now. And the person who gave me the idea for the book was 80. And I said, Oh my god, this is my book. And that's how the book became to be, because so many of us, as we go through life, we get stuck in into the gaps of the in-between spaces in life. And the in-between spaces, if we don't do anything about it and just say, Oh, it's fine, I'm gonna be fine, they create in my world a gap. And the gap keeps getting bigger if we do nothing about it, and then it becomes the traps, the traps that really hold us tight. If she would have not taken the suggestion from her daughter to go, maybe later on she would have found that aha moment. But she didn't until then, despite of all of our conversations. And my book is to help women to get out of those gaps and out of those traps, create momentum in their life, in their health to move forward. And so it is really written for any woman that feels that something is just not right. I have it in my gut, but I don't know what it could be. And the book is broken down into different chapters, of course, and into the spark framework that I created for the book to support my message of getting momentum, getting out of the traps to move forward in life.

Carol Clegg 13:37

Right, yeah. Because as you're sharing that, and it sounds fascinating, that gap is like you're on hold. You're leaving yourself on hold where there's adventure and opportunities and things that are ahead of you. Guessing if and it comes probably with mindsets, so that'll bring me to this part where you you talk about the spark path. And I guess this is something

The SPARK Framework In Real Life

Carol Clegg 14:00

that you've created as part of your coaching. Am I correct? Okay, lovely. Focusing on mindset movement and meals, right? So can you give me an overview of the spark path?

SPEAKER_01 14:12

So the spark method or framework is applies to anything, anything in your life. So when, and you are also a coach, we oftentimes ask our clients, so why do you want this? And why is that? And let me tell uh share your why, you know, write about your why, get really deep. And when I said this to my clients, they keep rolling their eyes and going, Oh, not that again.

Carol Clegg 14:40

Don't ask me that again.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Are you doing your five whys again? And I said, hmm, I need to figure out a different way. And so Spark lent itself. Spark is stands for scan, plan, take action, overcome roadblocks, and then in the end, keeping momentum. And what could that look like if we're saying we both love travel as it turns out? So if you're thinking of traveling and you're not sure, let's see, where you want to go, how you get the money, would you like to travel by yourself or with a companion? So you do your scanning, you're checking out all the possibilities you have. You check out your bank account and see what's possible. You check out the trips that might fit your budget, and then you may say, you know what, I'm a confident single woman traveler, I can handle this by myself, doing some research, seeing what's possible. And then you plan, you say, okay, I'm going to Portugal.

Carol Clegg 15:46

So how much coming with you?

SPEAKER_01 15:49

How much would that cost me? Where would I stay? What cities do I want to go and visit? What are the places I want to see? And how would I organize my travels? Since I'm traveling by myself, I have to be a little bit more diligent of where I want to go. Am I a free-for-all and I just go arrive and do what I want? Or do I feel more comfortable having a hotel or a bed and breakfast or something like this? So you get all this planned and you plan your trip and you say, okay, now I'm taking action. Now you're actually starting out doing things. So you get to the airport in Lisbon, and it turns out that your rental car is not there. This is a roadblock. You say, Oh, what do I do now? I have no rental car. Hmm, let's see. Maybe I can see if I can find another rental company. Maybe I can take public transportation. Or maybe I just fly home right now because I can't handle this. If you choose to say, I fly right home because it's too much, it is okay. It's going to be costly, but it's going to be okay. Let's assume you fly back home because that was too much. You said, I still want to travel. And you say, I still want to go to Portugal. That's good. But I want to go with a group that plans everything for me. And I just have to show up and they do the work. Great. So you go through that process again. So you take action, you book that trip, somebody else meets you in Lisbon at the airport, no roadblock this time. You're good to go. And then you're keeping momentum on your trip. And so the Spark framework is designed that no matter where you get stuck, you may also get stuck in the action plan that you said, I'm a great individual traveler, I can do this, and then you just don't, you just can't do the booking. It's just too much. It doesn't mean you're failing, it just means it wasn't right for you, whichever you thought. And then you just go back and revisit all of it and then keep going. And it it really applies from what I've learned with the people that I've worked with on this book, my beta readers and then people that came to my book signing that were talking about like a job change. Somebody said, How can your book help me? I just lost my job. Uh-huh. And I said, I probably can't help you give you a job, but if you go to the roadblock section, read about the roadblock from my experiences, those of my clients, and maybe it will spark a different approach to your job interviews or a response to the job interviews, or entices you to look at a different market than you actually been looking. So it applies to everything because it's not a starting over, it's a continuation, but with us with an approach that's smarter and works better for what you need right now.

Carol Clegg 18:40

Yeah. And the roadblock part is we we know we're gonna come against those. And so it's hard to explore fresh options as opposed to it being a gate that's just closed on us, and you can't, I can't go beyond that. Yet that I'm stuck.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Yeah.

Carol Clegg 18:54

Shifting

Consistency When You Feel Exhausted

Carol Clegg 18:55

for a moment to the fitness level, because I know you know sometimes people, and as you shared the story about this lady, you're being exhausted from all the things that are going on in your life, that they can be exhausted before they even begin. What is something that would help support consistency so that they don't feel drained even further from doing exercise?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

I know it's the last thing on my plate, right? What else? Do I want to add more to my plate? Right. I would basically go back to my onion and say, peel back the layer back the layers of the things that you have on your plate. Do they need to be on your plate? Does all of this need to rest on your shoulders? Right. Probably not. Yeah, you may think as a nurturing person, as the one that everybody goes to. And I notice will resonate with you guys listening. They always come to me and I always have a solution. I always, maybe you don't want to be that person. Yeah, maybe it's too much. You need to let go of something. And you really need to be clear about what it is that you want. Do you, if this is full you're fulfilling your life, that you are the person that everybody comes to for help, but does it really give you what you need for yourself and for your energy? Because I situations like this are definitely energy drainers, just like negative people, energy drainers. Too much on your plate drains your energy, sometimes in a good way, but more often than not in a not so good way. Right. And you need to decide for yourself what it is that you can let go of. And

Book Links And Closing Invitation

SPEAKER_01 20:40

and and it doesn't have a place in your life.

unknown 20:43

Yeah.

Carol Clegg 20:43

So Heike, finding you, finding your book for people that want to find out more, let me know. Website, best links, I'll make sure they all go in the show notes because I I want people to have an opportunity just to have a look at what you're doing, and an opportunity to take a look at your book.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Oh, thank you, Carol. You can find me anywhere at Heike Yates H E I K E Y A T E S. And you can find my book the same way you Google my name or ChatGPT my name, or whatever you're doing these days, or pursue your spark. And you can purchase my book anywhere where books are sold. It's a soft cover book, an e-book, and also an audio book for all those busy bees out there who like to do fold laundry while listening to a book like me.

Carol Clegg 21:30

Yeah. Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me and being a spark of inspiration for those that just need to realize that they can make some changes and can step through the gap.

unknown 21:46

Yes.

Carol Clegg 21:46

Right. They can do the gap. So this has been wonderful. Thank you, Haika. And thanks to those who've been listening today. If there's been something in our conversation that just resonates with you, or you think of somebody else. Who might need to hear this, a friend, I invite you to share this episode with them. And if you are a woman coach or a business owner craving some focus, connection, or just a gentle bit of accountability, there are a couple of ways that you can work together with me. And one of them is my monthly mindset to Momentum Accountability Circle. It's complimentary and it's support for your goals and challenges in life and business. So welcome to check out more on my website, CarolClegg.com, or connect with me on LinkedIn. And so, until the next episode, thanks for being here and may your week flow with ease.