Confidence Grows After You Take The Step with Carol Clegg

When Kindness Finds You

Well, welcome to another episode of Connect Inspire Cray. Mindset Matters is my mini-series. And I have been thinking a lot about kindness lately, which in turn has me reflecting on confidence, curiosity, and building self-trust. And especially for me over these last few days, which have been emotionally draining. On several occasions, I have been the recipient of someone's kindness. And it's just reminded me how much difference a small, small gesture can make. Someone just taking the time to ask me a question and then genuinely listening to my answer and engaging. Just simple actions, but meaningful. The cashier at Trader Joe's, the barista at a new coffee shop I went to. Someone stepped in just to offer practical help unloading my groceries. And it's not like I need help to have my groceries unloaded, but they were there and they helped. And it was just such, I was just grateful. So sometimes when you are depleted, these moments really matter. And today, just to put the cherry on the top, I had a conversation with my dentist. I have some extensive dental work that I need to do. And while we were discussing the quotation, he extended a huge kindness to me, which was a substantial discount. And he just shared that he had such fond memories of my late husband Rob, who was one of his favorite patients. And it was so, so touching. It just brought tears to my eyes just to think that he even remembered and then just extended generosity and kindness to me. Now I know that none of these moments will just wipe out what I have been feeling emotionally, but they certainly brought some joy and some confidence and just some, they were soothing. And they just reminded me of the goodness in people and how much we can affect each other through just simple acts of kindness. Sometimes it's just another person's gentleness that just helps us rediscover a little bit of courage, a little bit of motivation. And it just reminds me that we don't always have to find our own way through everything. We can allow ourselves to receive kindness and support while we're trying to find our footing in our day, in our week. And then, of course, that got me thinking about the kindness that we can in turn offer others, and very importantly, the kindness that we can offer ourselves. So I noticed just how much difference those acts of kindness made to my state of mind. And you know, perhaps that's something it can be for you too. Sometimes it could just soften a difficult moment, it could change the way you might be looking at something, or maybe it's just giving you a little breathing room to just pause and stop the overwhelm. And

Confidence After The First Step

somehow all of this got me thinking about confidence. And how often do we wait until we feel confident before taking a step? Sometimes it's having a difficult conversation. It might be a decision that has to be made. You might want to be trying something new or just putting yourselves out there again in your business, in your personal life. And sometimes we just stall. We tell ourselves we'll do it when we have more clarity, when we're less nervous, when we can be sure that it's the right decision. But what if we've got that a little bit backwards? What if confidence often comes after we take that first step? And what if we could approach those steps with a little more kindness towards ourselves, rather than expecting to get everything right? So that's what I'd love to explore with you today. And is also why gentle accountability matters to me. For those that have been listening to my show for some time, you know that I call myself the gentle accountability coach. And I think there's importance in that and just recognizing that we can take action, somebody can walk with us, but it doesn't mean that we have to push ourselves harder or find more things to do and have to just tick off that to-do checklist. It's more about noticing what matters, choosing a meaningful next step, and then building trust in ourselves as we follow through. We might be uncertain, it might feel uncomfortable. And even when things don't turn out quite as we hoped, we can give ourselves permission to change direction. So let's talk about keeping promises to ourselves, because I think this might be one of the ways where building self-trust can be strengthened. Think

Keeping Promises Without Self Criticism

about something you've been meaning to do. Maybe it's just exercising more regularly, starting a project, reaching out to somebody, or perhaps it's just making a decision that you keep putting off. I know for me with exercising, I often say, Oh, I'll leave it till the end of the day because the mornings are important to me. That's my creative time and my energy's up. And I, you know, why go and exercise then? I should just leave it till later because it'll help me sleep better. And then you have every intention I do of following through. And then my day gets busy, my night arrives, and it's the last thing I feel like doing. So sometimes something unexpected happens. Or, like me, you just simply don't feel up to it and you don't do what you intended. And how quickly does that little voice in your head jump in and say, Oh, here I go again. Why can't I just get these things done? Oh, I really should be further along by now. I wonder how many of us recognize that conversation. But what if we approach the situation a little differently? What if instead of criticizing ourselves, we became curious? Huh, something got in the way today. What happened? What was it? Was I expecting too much of myself today? What do I really need right now? What would be a smaller step that could make this all look more realistic tomorrow? But getting a little curious, we're not letting ourselves off the hook, but we're simply acknowledging that kindness and gentle accountability can work together. And perhaps that's the important distinction. Gentle accountability isn't about never disappointing ourselves, it's about learning how to reconnect with our intentions without criticizing ourselves along the way. We won't always get it right, we won't always follow through. But can we stop for a moment and learn from those experiences and choose again? And when we do take that small step, let's give ourselves a little credit. Because how often we barely notice what we've accomplished, go, oh, take it off, and we move on to the next thing. What if we paused and just gave ourselves a moment to recognize, hey, I followed through on that, I did that, even in a small way, because that's how we can begin collecting evidence that we can trust ourselves and help the rewiring of those neural pathways. Now, what about the times when we are genuinely stuck? We really are uncertain about what to do, we're dealing with something emotionally difficult, or we simply just cannot see a way forward. And that's where I like to draw on something I learned through my positive intelligence training.

Using Your Sage Perspective When Stuck

It's the idea of tapping into our sage perspective, pausing and tapping into our sage perspective, rather than allowing our inner critics or what positive intelligence calls our saboteurs to take over, to take over the reins. And I particularly appreciate the power, the sage power of empathize. Because before we try to solve anything, once again we come back to can we begin with a little kindness to ourselves? Can we acknowledge what we're experiencing? Admit this feels hard. I'm maybe I'm disappointed, I'm uncertain, but without judging those feelings or rushing to change them, just to sit with them for a moment. And then as we become more curious, is there an opportunity to look for a gift or something that we can learn in this difficult circumstance? And I do value that perspective, but I also appreciate, and I know for myself, that sometimes we simply cannot see the gift. And that's okay. We don't need to immediately, and we don't have to just manufacture gratitude for something that's really painful. We don't have to pretend that something difficult is wonderful. Sometimes it's just enough to acknowledge where we are and to remember to talk to ourselves kindly. And then when we're ready, we could go, hmm, what's a gentler question to move forward with? What might become possible from here? And that question can just leave a little room for uncertainty and not having the immediate answer. We can simply become a little more curious about what comes next. And that curiosity can help us move away from feeling completely stuck and not being able to see any way or any path out of this. So, talking about mental fitness, the five stage powers within the positive intelligence framework can offer a helpful way to approach moments of uncertainty. So we begin with empathize. Can I offer myself the same kindness and understanding that I would offer someone I care about in this situation? Then there's explore. Stop for a moment. What am I noticing? What might I be assuming about the situation? And is there another way to look at this, a different approach? Innovate. Innovate is fun because we used to, when we practiced innovate, make a list of just crazy, crazy options. They didn't even have to be real, but it prompts you to consider a variety of possibilities. And then, rather than needing to find that perfect answer, going, hmm, and exploring, almost mind mapping through the different possibilities and perhaps finding a different approach that you hadn't even thought of. Then we come with navigate. We come back to, you know, what do we value? What really matters to me here now in this situation? What choice feels aligned with me, the person I want to be, the life I want to create? What am I going to look back at at this moment and go, you know, what is really important? And then activate. What's one thing I can really do, actually do? Not a huge big step, not the entire project, but just one thing that I'm willing to do that's going to move me forward.

Try Pause Notice Choose Today

In one of my earlier episodes, I spoke about the pause, notice, and choose. And I'd love to invite you to try that little reflection with me right now. Think about an area of your life where you might be feeling really stuck. And it doesn't have to be something big. Perhaps it's just a conversation that you've been avoiding, a project that you keep moving, shifting, just can't get it started, or a decision that's been sitting in the back of your mind and you're ready to take action on it. So let's approach this with some kindness and curiosity and pause. And ask yourself, what would kindness towards myself look like right now in this situation? Perhaps it's giving yourself some breathing room, acknowledging that this something is difficult, or maybe letting go of an unrealistic expectation. Next, notice what am I feeling? And that is so important to tune into what your body is feeling. Your mind spins around with stories that it wants you to know, it's trying to protect you, it does what it thinks it's doing best, and then one doesn't stop to acknowledge the sensations and the feeling in your body that is trying to have a voice as well. So, what are you feeling and what might you need? You don't have to rush into fixing something, just notice what's happening and then finally choose. What is one small step I am willing to take? That's it. Let's just pause, notice, and choose. And then when you do follow through, I invite you to remember to celebrate because this celebration, as you have taken action, is one more little piece of evidence that yes, you can trust yourself.

The Ripple Effect Of Gentle Support

So just a thought to take with you, I'd love for you to come back to kindness for a moment. Because the experiences that I had over these last few days have certainly reminded me of something that I don't want to overlook. We never really know what another person might be carrying. So, a thoughtful question, a little practical help, a moment of generosity, or simply taking the time to listen can make such a difference in another person's world. You have no idea of the ripple effect. It certainly has for me, and that's what brought my awareness to it again, and just what a beautiful reminder. And I just think that there is something equally important about allowing ourselves to receive that kindness. So we do not always have to be the strong one, the capable one, or the person who has everything figured out. Sometimes we just need someone else to remind us that we're not alone and that we need to offer ourselves that same understanding. So here's something I'd love for you to think about this week. Where could a little more kindness make a difference in your life? Perhaps in the way you speak to yourself? Perhaps it's the expectations that you're carrying. Or perhaps there's someone around you who could use a little kindness too. And if there's something you've been wanting to do but haven't felt quite ready for it yet, what is one small meaningful step gonna look like? Because maybe confidence isn't about knowing that everything will work out just the way we hoped. Maybe it's about trusting that we can pause, learn, adjust, and choose again. Kindness can create that space. Curiosity can open a possibility, and confidence can grow us as we begin to move forward. So until the next time, may your choices bring you a little more ease and flow this week. Thanks for listening.